Friday, January 21, 2011

The Baby Thing

it's been almost a year since i became pregnant.
over the course of this past year
many emotions have seeped out
and feelings have been explored.
some days i want a baby so bad...
i ache for one.
other days i think,
"life is pretty good.  just like it is."
we have not really been "trying"...
however, no prevention is being used.
for the first time i have decided to
"just see what happens."
{i'm normally way too controlling for that.}

so, the last few days my body has felt off.
it's about time for that little monthly delivery...
but, nothing has come.
{but, not too late that i'm alarmed.}
so, my controlling self broke down this morning and bought a test.
took the test.
walked around my - all too quiet and clean house - for the required three minutes.
my heart was racing.
checked the test.
one line.
not pregnant.
mixed feelings.
threw the test away.
checked emails.
dug it out of the trash...just to make sure.
cried.
{hormones are on full throttle.}

read other blogs.
found this.
and smiled.

{picture from LA farmer's market. 
i wish i lived somewhere that had fresh flower stands
on the street corners.}