Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Butterflies

this boy got a {much needed} hair cut yesterday.
this boy started basketball camp yesterday.
this boy...steals my heart.

yesterday, as we walked into the gym for camp,
i saw him become reluctant.
his eyes were big and he was stopped in his tracks.
he didn't know anyone and the boys appeared bigger than him.
those big blue eyes looked and me and he said,
"i don't want to go."
me:  "ok.  ok.  you don't have to."
by the time we got to the car, i was rethinking my decision.
i said, "maybe we should go back and talk to the coach.  we didn't even meet him."
through teary eyes he said to me, "can you just go?"
he stayed with sissy and off i went.
the very nice coach walked out to my car to talk to cade.
cade quickly wiped his eyes and {reluctantly} walked back in with me and the coach.
he stayed.  and had fun.

this morning, we pulled into the parking lot {uncharacteristically} early.
i told him we were a little early.
and he said, "well, yeah...i have my butterflies in my stomach."
my heart lurched.
i said, "well, do you want to walk in?"
silence.
"um. yes. i'm ready."

as we were walking across the parking lot i wanted to scoop him up and carry him on my hip.
{or at least hold his hand.}
but, i know this boy.
i had to let him be "cool" and walk in without mom loving on him.
{ugh. stab through the heart.}
i sat with him on the bench until the coach was ready.
as soon as coach gave the go ahead...
he jumped up...
gave me a little wave and said,
"bye mom.  love you."
and i watched him go...
with a tear in my eye
and butterflies in my stomach.