Thursday, October 31, 2013

My Nana

i loved playing crazy eight with her.
in fact, that was the last thing i said to her when i said good bye
in that tucson hospital…
"i'll see you soon.  and, i'll bring some cards to play crazy 8!"
"sounds good", she said.

i was making dinner for my family when my mom called to tell me
my nana had taken her last breath.
neither of us could talk.  the conversation was short.  we knew this day was coming.

through tear filled eyes, i continued to make dinner.
because, that is exactly what she would have wanted me to be doing…cooking for my family.
and, ironically, i was up to my elbows in flour…which always reminds me of nana.
every time i measure off the flour…i see her hand do the same thing.
i've been very blessed to have had my nana in my life for this long.
and, i've been lucky to have lost only a few loved ones in my life.
but, this loss was the hardest.
she was my last grandparent.
my nana.
my mom 's mom.
the one who called if she could not find my mom…
always wanting to make sure she arrived home safely.
i would have to call my mom and say, "would you please call your mom.  she is looking for you!"
she even gave my mom and old cowboy hat of my papa mac's to put in her rear window.
"nobody is going to stop you if they think you have a man in the car with you!"
funny lady.

she was so loved and will be greatly missed.
i have 14 first cousins on my mom's side and she made all of us feel like super stars.
we were all miss america's or kings in her eyes.
when she became ill in september…
and her doctor in tucson said, "if anyone wants to see her they need to come now"
all fifteen grandchildren showed up at her bedside that night.
we all drove from all around the state and out of state to be there.
and what do you know…
once we were all there...she was ready to have a party!
my mom and aunt said it was an amazing turn around.
{the human spirit is beautiful.}

her service was lovely.
my aunt did a beautiful job giving the life story.
the morning after the service, i was snuggling cade when he asked what i dreamt about.
i said, "nana. she is on my mind."
"that is what i thought you would dream about."
"yeah, i will really miss her."
"i would miss mimi and papa.  a lot."
{oh my heart.}
"darlene did a good job on her speech.  i liked learning all those things about nana."
{sweet boy.}

all the cousins were asked to sing "as i have loved you".
none of us are singers.
prior to the service we were all laughing…joking about who would be in front
and who would have solos.
it was much different when it was actually time to sing during the service.
i think i got three words out.
the tears came. and, wouldn't stop.
i cried knowing i wouldn't receive birthday cards with long notes written in them.
i cried knowing i never took the time to spend the day with her
and learn to make her enchilada sauce.
i cried knowing i would never hear her say, "see you in the funny papers".
i cried for my mom.
i cried for the end of that generation.

but, with sadness comes happiness.

 she gave me this amazing family.
my aunts, uncles, cousins…greats, extended…
they are all good people.
i mean really good people.
as i sat in the church, holding mr. c's hand and my other arm around my two babies…
i couldn't help but think of how unbelievably lucky i am.

i was literally surrounded by family.
and, i like them.

her sassy spirit will live on…
in all of us.

My Nana
February 1, 1927 - October 14, 2013