Friday, September 28, 2018

final thoughts

{paris 2012}

here we are. friday. the lovely weekend is upon us.
and with this "happy weekend" post comes lots of thoughts and a decision.
the decision? to take a break from blogging. maybe temporarily, maybe permanently. 
{i'm leaning towards permanently, but you never know...i may have a reunion. you know, like my date with wine after our break up}. why? i think i would rather document my life in a more private manner {journals and scrapbooks}.  would i come back to blogging in a different form? maybe. not sure how i feel right now. the whole social media phenomenon is annoying to me {and this falls in to that category}. don't get me wrong, social media has it's place in the world. i'm just not sure how much i want it to be in my world. this is not new thoughts or feelings for me. i have previously posted about my dislike for facebook, instagram, twitter...not my thing.

anyway. since this could be my last post i thought i would clear the air. share a few thoughts. get some things off my chest. say what i really want to say. {some of this has been said before}.
here it goes.

{la jolla 2017}

 hhhhmmmmm....where to start, where to start?

let's just start with the big guns, shall we?

yeah, it's not my thing and i do not believe in organized religion. however, to each their own. if it gets you through the day and brings peace to your heart - have at it. enjoy. but. don't try and save me. i'm good. i was raised in the mormon church, but had my name officially removed a few years ago. {that was an interesting experience. gives you everything you need to know to leave that institution. and when it was finally official, a man - who i didn't know - called to tell me it was official  and that i was losing the gift of the holy ghost at that very moment. as we spoke on the phone. true story. crazy town right there}. i have tried other churches, but it really does not bring peace to my heart. what does bring me peace? what is my church? the mountains, nature, my home, my family.

i am proud to be an american. i'm proud of my heritage. i'm proud to live in a country where i have the freedom to speak, salute, stand, kneel as i wish. athletes kneeling during the anthem? i fully support their peaceful display. {actually, kneeling is a respectful act. we kneel in prayer. we kneel in proposals. some kneel in a greeting}.  and you know what? it doesn't affect me at all. it is their life. their choice. government has no place telling a player what he should or shouldn't do during the anthem {or anyone else for that matter}.

i am pro-choice. my body, my choice. women should have have the right to make choices regarding their bodies and health. we do not know what is going on in a women's life for her to make such a difficult decision, nor is it our business to know. women are not having abortions as a form of birth control. i promise. it is a difficult decision. although i have never had one, i did lose two pregnancies that resulted in d & c's. it was a horrible, emotionally straining experience. after going through those losses and turning 40, i made the decision to have a tubal ligation. it was not an easy decision, but it was my decision. not long after, i had a woman question me and my ethics for making such a decision. it was wrong to mess with "god's plan". i don't need anybody judging me and i for sure as hell do not need some white man in power making a decision about my body.

it has already been said how much i support equality in love and marriage. this goes for bathrooms too. seriously. relieve yourself where you are comfortable. {i've been known to find an alley, bush, or tree that does the trick}! you be you and allow others to be who they are too. a transgender person using the restroom they identify with is not going to hurt you.

we are all human beings. we should be treated EQUALLY. men, women, people of all color and ethnicity,  gays, heterosexuals, transgenders...everyone. it's not that hard. just be kind. {and don't hide behind your god saying gay marriage will hurt your marriage or tell me you are not racist because you have a black friend. ridiculous statements}.

global warming.
it's real people. just look at the facts. listen to the scientist.
recycle. reuse. buy a reusable straw. use reusable bags. use less water. eat less meat.

we are all immigrants.
to separate children from their parents as they are trying to find a better life is despicable.
to treat people with such hate and disrespect is inexcusable.
i have written about this topic before and i still feel the same way. you can read that post here.

our president.
with every fiber of my being...i hate our president. and to be honest, feeling that way makes me sad, angry, and sick to my stomach. he is the most narcissistic, hateful, idiotic person. i think he is the epitome of power hungry and, even worse, he doesn't have a clue. he is a stupid person with power. {a dangerous combination}. his actions and words make me sick and i struggle to understand why anyone would support him. i have never felt this way about a president. i may have disagreed with beliefs, but i have never had such disrespect for a president as i do with this one.

he said, she said. who to believe? why did she wait so long before speaking about it? these are valid questions. however, studies show that most victims never come forward and if they do it takes time, strength, and courage.
seventeen years ago i found myself in the middle of a sexual harassment lawsuit. within that same year i also divorced, quit my job, moved, and started a new job...all with a one year old daughter. the sexual harassment mess was, hands down, the hardest thing i have ever endured. in my life.  the lawsuit was against my director who had stalked me and confessed his love to me. he wanted to run away with me. he gave me gifts and special treatment. i had documentation when i went to my human resource director. {before i get too far in this story i have to say i did not want to come forward. it was the hardest thing i have ever done. i came forward because my husband at the time threatened to do it if i didn't}. my HR director was female. she and i were the only females in management positions within this organization. she was shocked. she went to the city manager {a white male}. he in turn, called my husband since he was the man of the household. i am not kidding. he met with him before meeting with me. i was outraged and called him out on it. he finally called me in. he informed he would be handling the investigation himself and would not get the city attorney involved. {my position was within a municipality}. how this was allowed baffles me. he interviewed my coworkers, my boss, my husband and when he finally got to me he said, "if all of this really happened the way you said it did, i feel more would have happened." {sound familiar? trump tweeted something very similar regarding dr. ford}. ummm...what?! so because my boss didn't rape me i'm lying? yes. that is how he felt. i was lying because i had not been attacked by my boss. in the end, my boss had to write an apology to my husband. it was suggested that i move from my office in a beautiful historic building to a trailer with the public works department. my boss could remain in his office. he received a very small slap on the hand and i was ridiculed and down graded. of course women do not come forward. we are already dealing with this crap...why make it any worse?  my stomach is churning as i type this. this all must change. it has to. our sons and daughters must be raised to treat everyone with respect. our daughters have to know that when someone makes you feel uncomfortable, whether it's verbal or physical, they have to speak out. don't just smile or laugh it off like it's a compliment. it's not. if it makes you feel uncomfortable it is not just an innocent compliment or boys being boys. our boys must know how to talk to and treat girls. no means no. and speaking in a lewd, disgusting manner regarding females is not "locker room talk" as our president would have you believe. it is completely and utterly unacceptable. and when a woman does find the courage to come forward she should be heard, respected AND a proper investigation should take place. {yes, the FBI should be investigating the kavanaugh accusations}. you have no idea how hard it is to come forward unless you have been there. shame, fear, confusion, and remorse fill that person's soul.

it's stressful, exhausting, difficult, and the best responsibility in the world! i love being a mom. i love the heartache that comes with the rewards.
i believe in open communication and complete honesty with my children. we have had some raw conversations around the dinner table and i am grateful for every one...even the ones that made me choke on my asparagus.
i also believe in hooky days. {as we are having one today}! i saw this quote in the paper the other day and, well, it spoke to me...
"a child educated only at school is an uneducated child." -george santayana

happiness and kindness.
peanut butter and jelly. hand in hand. if you choose happiness you will share kindness. if you choose to be kind you will exude happiness. it's all a choice. my kids have heard this more times than they care to tell you. life is all about choices...make good ones. choose happiness. choose kindness. it really is that simple.

okay. i think that's it. of course i also believe in exercise and the power of being healthy. treat yourself right. have a good attitude and your day will be better. have a little fire in your soul.

i know there are those who completely disagree with me and that is fine. the beauty of this glorious world is we are all different with different beliefs. respecting our differences makes the world a better place. make love not war.

peace out.